“If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you right into your purpose.” – T.D. Jakes
Yesterday, I made the venture into the realm of blogging. It’s something I should have done a long time ago. Blogging isn’t my goal though. While I think I will enjoy blogging, I would love to go beyond and venture into public speaking and writing books. That’s my dream goal. There were a couple reasons why I have waited this long.
One reason I have waited is because I am scared (I told you I will be honest). I love writing. I have written few things that were read by others. Every time, thus far, I have shared my writing it has been because it was an assignment, for proofreading, or because I had it hidden and it was found (and read) without my permission.
I hold my writing so close because when I write, my thoughts flow without interruption and often from deep places that I don’t let everyone see. Writing has always been my safe place. When I have troubles to sort through, or if I am angry, I write. When I write, the world just seems to make more sense. I worry that if I let the world read my writing, it leaves me vulnerable. It will open me up to criticism.
That leads me to the second reason I have been hesitant. There are few things that I feel I do adequately, and sometimes, I even question those. I can write and I am a good mother. If I fail at either of those things, I’d have nothing left. I feel like I was born to do those two things. Don’t get me wrong, I could improve in both areas. I strive to do that. I apologize when I am wrong and I work through it in my head. For some reason, hearing someone else tell me I need to do something can be hard for me.
Once in awhile, if I see someone struggling to make sense of the world or when someone has wronged me, I have written something specifically for them or shared with them something I have written in the past that might apply to them. I have done that because making someone else realize their worth or coming together on finding a solution to a conflict trumps my fear. I am hard on myself. Sometimes I wonder why I think I have anything to say that someone else might want to hear. And, sometimes, I wonder how much I pushed my point of view on someone who didn’t want to hear anyone’s opinion at all.
For those of you who know me, you might be thinking this is not the real me. You think this, because there are few who like to talk as much as me. No doubt, I am good at talking. It’s served me well. There is something that you don’t know. I probably talk a lot to keep you from asking too many questions. This blog, these words-this is me. My real and unapologetic thoughts and feelings put into words.
While this is a scary, intimidating path to be on, it’s one I want to do. I want to improve as a person and in my writing. I think it could therapeutic for me. I know that if these thoughts have confused me, hurt me, challenged me, or changed me, that there are other people going through similar situations and feelings. I don’t have answers. God has answers. I do have support. Maybe even a tidbit of wisdom. Sometimes, knowing that someone else is with you is enough to take a step forward. We can all learn from each other if we are open to the process of change.
I found my passion(s) a long time ago. I hope I have found a purpose.
Bottom line? How else do I reach my goals, unless I am willing to open and take the first step. I am willing to do that, finally. I know people will have different views of the same experience. That’s what makes us complicated and amazing people. I know not everyone will enjoy what I have to say, maybe they will absolutely detest it. This is my journey. My journey to tell from my perspective. I’m putting it out there. I hope I will see my goals through to fruition. What the world chooses to do with these thoughts and experiences is up to God and the world.