These days, my life is so complicated. It’s hard to take care of everyone. When we decided to have five children, my grandparents were in relatively good health. I had no idea that I would be taking care of them and a toddler and newborn (the other kids take care of themselves, for the most part). At least I thought I had a couple of years or so to get everything straight. I was wrong. So, now, I’m doing the best I can.
Normally, life is hurried, but manageable. When the kids are out of school and able to stay with the babies, I do a little more for my grandparents than on normal days. I miss my babies on those days and end up more tired. Often they are on their own for supper or it’s take out.
I have been at my grandparents for 8 days straight. When I am there, I am there for several hours. They like me to stay because they are lonely. Sometimes it’s just a bad day and it takes me that long to talk my grandma down from the ledge. I try to enjoy those moments because I know the moments I have left are limited. I have had nightmares about these days since I was about eight years old. I wish I could enjoy these days more, but when I could enjoy them, I didn’t–at least not like I should have.
Today, was my first day at home since December 29th, 2012. It was also a school day for Nora. Today, for hours, it was just me and Cason. It was time to spend time with him. Cason doesn’t talk much, but he has so much personality and he is so loving. I also try to make time to write. I sat down for a few minutes to write before we went to play pirate ship. He jumped up beside me on the couch and asked for my phone. He has decided to stop saying “please” and uses grunts with outstretched hands to relay his request.
I giggled at his new tactics and allowed him to take my phone. I haven’t done that much since he cracked the screen not that long ago. I found a musical game for him to play and let him go. He started off sitting next to me. Then, he leaned on my arm. He moved again, and again until he was laying on the couch on his belly. His feet were flopping up and down, kicking my arm. I was supposed to be writing, but instead I watched him play that game, flopping from one spot to another.
It seems silly to just watch him move from one spot to another, playing a game. Maybe it was silly. Whatever it was, it made me smile. I completely forgot where I was in my story that I was writing and I just enjoyed that tiny moment. That tiny moment makes me remember what amazing creatures we are. It makes me take notice how our growth and development is to be marveled. It also made me remember all of my other children that came before him and how quickly they have grown. Slipping away from me faster than I could have ever imagined possible.
While my life is busier than I had planned, even chaotic sometimes, I wouldn’t trade it–not for anything. These little moments are what keep me going through the hard times. They are my sanity and make me remember exactly what life is about. Life is little moment after little moment. If we lose sight of that-if we forget to treasure that-then we have missed out on life.
Don’t forget to enjoy your little moments.