Day 52: 365 Days of Motivation for Widows

Thanksgiving Table
Thanksgiving Table (Photo credit: CodeFin)

Expect problems and eat them for breakfast.  –Alfred A. Montapert

Today will be hard. It will be hard if it happened yesterday. It will be almost just as bad if it was five years ago. It gets better, but holidays will always feel different from this point on.

If it happened recently, the wound hasn’t healed. It is swollen, red, and painful. If it happened years or a decade ago, chances are your wounds have healed; those wounds, even when healed properly, leave scars. Where ever you are, it is okay just to be there.

Don’t feel pressured to be someone you aren’t today. Don’t feel pressure to be who you were before this life altering event. I urge you to find some company because it helps. If you don’t want to stay long, don’t. If you feel like you would like to talk, but sitting at the table for a formal dinner is too much, skip dinner and go for the conversation. If the normal routine was to sing songs or play games after dinner, hit them up for some good food and then head on home–content with your progress. Everyone will understand. If someone doesn’t understand, forgive them and then forget it–they truly just don’t know.

Whatever happens, wake up and know today will not be as it once was. It won’t be the same tradition and happiness you have felt in years past. Wake up and know today might suck, and then do today anyway. Do it your way, but do it. And when it’s over, know that you won.

 

Day 45: 365 Days of Motivation for Widows

Feel the fear and do it anyway.   –Susan Jeffers

This storm is worthy of fear and fear can paralyze even the best of us. Fear can build a wall, forcing us away from the places and people we love most. Afraid of what people will say behind our backs. Fear of the stares we get in public. Afraid of breaking down walking into church by ourselves or dropping our children at school. Every where you turn, this new life smacks you in the face with fear and anxiety.

I tell people all the time: this is your journey. I mean that–it is. I can tell you, though, it is so easy to let that fear hold you hostage. It will bound you to your bed and keep you from food, water, and people who love you.  By all means, take time to retreat to your bed.

Some of the most wonderful talks, cuddles, and memories lie with you in that bed. Soak it all in. When you start to feel like you can’t do it anymore–when you feel like life is swallowing you–you have to get up, no matter how terrifying.

No one expects you to jump up with smiles and energy to conquer the world. In fact, that first day, you might not take it past your shower–maybe you will reach your kitchen table. It’s a step. It will feel good. You will tire and you probably will want to crawl into bed again–that’s okay. Day after day you will get out of bed and face your fears and every day it will get easier to do.