“Moving on is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is the hard part.” –Dave Mustaine
It is easy for others to tell you what you should do. It is so easy for them to say you should move on, that it’s time. It is not easy to actually do it. Moving on comes with fear. You wonder what life will be like without your spouse. Those firsts hurt, every single one. The biggest fear is moving on and leaving your spouse. The fear of losing the memories. Worrying about forgetting his/her face, their smell, the sound of their voice, and even their dreams.
I usually don’t use the term ‘moving on’ because I don’t like what it infers. It infers that you are going forward alone and leave your spouse in the past. I like to say we ‘move forward’. I use that term because if I am being honest, I have never, and won’t ever forget my husband. I think I owe that to him and my children. I had to accept he was dead. I had to redefine how he fit in my life, but he is with me. I feel it. He is watching over the kids. I know it. He is my history and his death the reason I am who I am doing what I am doing today. We talk about him when something reminds us of him, or when my current husband has a question, or for no reason at all.
You do have to leave behind your life together, the life you had planned, but you do not have to leave behind your spouse. That doesn’t make it easy, nothing will make it easy. It will still be one of the hardest things you have ever done. You can do it, you can find the balance.