“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” –Robert Louis Stevenson
Not every day feels like a success. I felt this as a widow, I felt this as a college student with three children at home, I feel this every day as a mother, and every day as one of the caregivers to my grandparents. Most days feel like utter chaos that I am not sure how to get through. I feel neglected, unappreciated, worn out, and unsure how to make it through the next day. I lay awake and worry about the things I have missed or the things that went wrong. I hope for better successes the next day–plan for better successes too. Often, those better days don’t happen. It may be weeks or months before I see any rewards for my work at all. When those rewards happen, it all comes back to me.
I remember I should not be keeping a daily total. The rewards do not come daily. The rewards, or my harvest, come sometimes in the most unexpected places and ways.
My rewards are:
-in the moment when I looked back at my healing path and realized I was making my own path and it was a good solid path.
– in my children watching me be sad and struggle everyday and still moving forward.
-in the moment when I walked across that stage to get my college diploma at 32 years old while my children watched.
– when my children come to me and ask how they can handle a situation/problem.
– when my grandparents are sad and weak when I arrive, but smiling when I leave.
– when kids talk about their early memories and there are few negative ones, even know they lived through plenty.
-when I see my children do or say something that I know I taught them, even though it wasn’t something they wanted to learn or it was hard to teach.
– when my friends tell me how strong I am or a stranger tells me how sweet I am with my grandparents.
-when my husband shares with someone else how much he appreciates what I do.
I planted those seeds. Sometimes it was unintentional. Whether we like it or not, even when we think no one is looking, they are. We have much to learn from the world and from others. We also have much to give. Keep in mind there is always something to learn, always something to give. Plant your seeds and watch.